Friday, February 5, 2010

Well I was going to post yesterday but things got really crazy so I am sorry that this post may be all over the place. Yesterday Sam finally went back to school so our morning was a little rocky. I got to work and found out that I had to work until 3 so I had to call Sam's school and let them know that he needed to come over with the other kids that come to my work. I do not like having to do that because I like to be able to tell Sam before hand if there is a change. I also did not like that I had to work later because I needed to study for my class last night and it just makes getting home and getting back out the door so much harder. So I was in the two year old room and I was told that the girl I was covering from would be a few minutes late. Well the few minutes ended up being 40 minutes. So I got home about 4:00 and I had to rush around. The kids needed a bath and I needed to get Sam's clothes together for Homecoming. I did have Jeremy stop at Wendy's and get some chicken nuggets. I just felt exhausted and I was starting to question my decision to go back to school. I left at 5:00 in the pouring rain and I ended up getting stuck in traffic and was 15 minutes late to class.I was so sad that I missed Sam last night but he did great and you can see from the pictures he looked so cute. I got home about 9:00 and got to bed about 10:00. At about 12:00 Emma wakes up screaming. She actually did this the night before too. She said her ear was hurting. I gave her some medicine and she went back to sleep. I, however, could not get back to sleep for the second night in a row. Both nights I was so sound asleep when she woke me up screaming that I guess the sudden jolt of waking up messed up my sleeping. Emma seemed to be a little better but she is still not feeling well. This morning when I dropped her off at her class she just cried and cried, something she never does. I went to the office and told them that I was going to try to get Emma into the doctor. I called but they could not get her in until 4:00 today. My work did let me leave at noon since she was not feeling well. I then decided to go ahead and pick Sam up early so I did not have to go back that way before the doctor. The girls are napping right now and then we will be heading out in a few hours.
Well there was something that I have been thinking about and I was going to share yesterday so I will share it today. I have started walking a few miles a day trying to get prepared for the Go 10 Walk in June. There is a setting on my Wii that I can just walk and it tracks how far I have gone. I have been listening to my Ipod and just walking in the living room. Back in December I purchased Steven Curtis Chapmans new album called Beauty Will Rise. Many of you know about the tragic accident involving his son and their 5 year old daughter. This album is about his daughter and the pain and confusion they have been dealing with over the death of their daughter. It is an album of questions but also an album about hope and God's faithfulness. It is almost difficult for me to listen to the songs because the sorrow is almost too much. Their daughter was adopted from China and there are many songs that I cannot help but picture the faces of my sweet children. There is a song on the album where one of the lines says "I can't wait to see you smile again, The one where your eyes disappear along with all my troubles". So you can see why the songs are a little difficult to keep from crying. Well there is a song on the album that has been a great encouragement to me and I keep singing it to remind me. The song is called "He is Faithful". Part of the lyrics that have really gotten to me are the following:

I am waiting for the rescue
that I know is sure to come,
cuz You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.
I've dropped anchor in Your promises,
and I am holding on,
cuz You are faithful.
God You are faithful.


When I hear this song my mind goes back to two periods in my life where my foundations were shaken, The first one is the two year period of having cancer and waiting for Samuel to come home. The second was when we were waiting for Emma to come home. This past year some things have happened that truthfully I still cannot believe they are happening. There have been times this past year that I almost pretend that nothing is wrong because facing the problems is just too painful. This past year things have not been specifically directed at me or physically happening to me, but the reality that my core foundation of who I am and the people that have been in my life since the beginning of my life has been shaken. I think the past few weeks I have started to feel the effects of certain situations and it has wounded my heart and spirit more then I was admitting. Yes, I know, maybe that is a little to heavy. I say all of that to say this. God was faithful when I had cancer. God was faithful and brought me the sweetest little guy. Maybe my situation is not as severe as the Chapman family but God feels are pain and our hurt whatever we are facing. I was really thinking about this yesterday because it was two years ago yesterday that we finally got the call that Emma was ready to come home. I am so thankful that God takes hopeless situations and gives hope.

Well I hope you did not mind me sharing that. I have a really funny story about Sam but I will share it tomorrow since I have already filled this entire page.